Diaries from Blue Mountain

Day 0 – March 14, 2017

I finally made it. After a plane, a train and a bus ride, I finally made it to the mountain. The travel guide didn’t lie, its beauty is astonishing. Something out of a movie. I can see it through the cabin window now. In the fading light it looks almost like a kaleidoscope, red and orange and blue most of all. The nerves are really getting to me now, coiling in my stomach. I’ve never done anything like this before, never even been hiking before and certainly not alone. But that’s how it has to be. No tour guides, no people lugging my bags up the slopes for me, just me. And a map, I suppose. I better get some sleep, early start tomorrow.

Day 1 – March 15, 2017

I think this was the longest day I have ever had, well maybe the second longest. The people in the visitor cabin weren’t kidding, this mountain is no joke. I’m feeling accomplished though; I’m already more than a third of the way up in one day and I’ll take that. The soreness is really getting to me though. My legs feel like they’re wading through jelly, boiling jelly at that. Still, despite the pain, I can’t think of a much better post-breakup exercise.Well I guess that’s out again, but I suppose if you spend almost your entire life with someone it’s hard not to think about them. Twelve years of friendship, seven years of love, all ended in a day. Anyway, that’s enough moping for one night, plus I’ve heard the second day is always the worst. And there’s snow due for tomorrow.

Day 3 – March 17, 2017

They weren’t kidding. The second day is the hardest. By the time I set up my tent last night, I couldn’t do anything but fall asleep as soon as my body hit the bag. The dreams didn’t help either. Seeing her again, wrapped up in another woman’s arms the day before our anniversary, remembering how much it hurt. A dagger to my soul, twisting it into rage and sorrow. I was confused even then why it felt like that. Why I felt like that. I’m starting to realize I’m nothing without her. Nothing but an empty shell just looking for something or someone to fill it again. That’s why I’m here, isn’t it? To try to prove something to myself or maybe to prove something to her? Well, whatever it is that drove me to do this, I hate it. She’s probably somewhere warm and cozy, likely laying beside her new girlfriend, while I’m out here in the snow like an idiot trying to forget. Trying to forget her. Trying to forget me. Trying to forget everything. Maybe if I can just get through tomorrow it will be alright.

Day 4 – March 18, 2017

I can see the peak. I bet I can reach it tomorrow, if the snow doesn’t fall too hard anyway. I can’t wait to get to the top. My feet are blistered, my legs are sore and my head aches. I keep double and triple backing trying to find any path that will get me to the top of this monster. Maybe a guide would’ve been a good idea after all. At this point, even if I don’t feel anything when I reach the top, at least I can get on with my life. At least these new memories won’t involve Bianca.

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