It’s gonna be okay…

By Akhila Ganta

The moment he said, “I think we should end this,” and walked away, I knew my heart was going to be in a lot of pain, but the thing I didn’t imagine was losing control over my body. I did not understand what was going on around me. I collapsed. It felt like I didn’t know how to breathe. Long story short, I survived. This happened every time I thought of him after that day. I cried, and cried. It felt like every atom in my body was bleeding. I begged him to come back, texted him saying how much I love and miss him. Nothing worked.

The days after that incident were a real struggle. I didn’t want to get out of bed or go to school or eat or breathe. Every person irritated me, including myself. My shadow felt disgusting. I thought there was something wrong with me, and that’s the reason he left me. I didn't feel like talking to anyone. I didn’t have a single good day, and honestly, I never thought I would be okay again. But I did. And the first step I took in my healing process was acceptance. Accepting that he’s not a part of my life anymore. No matter how much I cry, how much I beg him to come back, how much I change myself just so he would like me, I understood that he wasn’t coming back, and when this realization hit me, it shattered me all over again. But the moment after that felt different. Like something was lifted off my chest, and I felt lighter, just a little, but back then, it was huge. I’ve had bad days after that too, but, every time I cried, I knew I was one step closer to moving on.

I had to think a lot and learn to understand that it’s okay. No matter how much I tried to silence my thoughts, I could not silence one that kept saying, “You guys were endgame. ” I had to make myself understand that life does not always go according to plan and that’s okay. During this time I learned that it is okay and no matter what happens, we will be okay. It may take time, sometimes a lot, but we will be okay. That’s what keeps me moving forward. I had to understand that he is just one part of my life, not my whole. No one thing in life is life itself. It sure does feel like that sometimes, but they are just a single part.

I did think that he was my everything. When he left me, it felt like I couldn’t breathe, like I couldn’t live, but sometimes life takes everything away from us, just to prove that we can live without it. We can. We absolutely can. It hurts, I know. It hurts so much that you want nothing in life but the pain to stop, and I know, sometimes you keep wondering if this pain will ever go away or if you will ever be able to love someone else. But trust me, it gets better. It did for me.

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