my temporary identity

By: Emma Boyle

i know everything

i know my breath

i know yours

i know i’m never not sure

and that’s why i want a mystery

i want colors to be muddy and grey

i want to decipher and decode

thoughts said

words thought

i want to show how to paint in colors

the colors on my face the colors on my clothes the colors of my

i want to give endless colors

(i can be your kaleidoscope)

just don’t show me your true hues just yet

melt me

harden me

chip at me

make me into your key

don’t let me in

i want to wonder what you’re thinking

don’t tell me

tell me

maybe mystery isn’t for me

i wish i wasn’t insecure

i wish that your soul wasn’t a door

i wish i wasn’t always unsure

with you

only

you just

you

have no clarity

the unknown is the only thing i know

and im lusting over the feeling of feeling

so i can learn to unknow

and im feeling so i can just lust over lust

so the unknown can be known

its ambiguity has

restricted

conflicted

contradicted

my lust for knowledge,

my knowledge of lust,

but still

i know everything unknown

i know the paralysis of lies

i know feelings unsaid

i know life is a glamorous delusion

i know things you dont know

but truthfully

i dont know shit

cause

i dont know myself

i’ll tell you to take a shot at me

and i know it’ll wrong your rights

but

i know you’ll feel so much better

and i know that

a song will sing in your eyes when you

feel your knuckles knock into my chilled chin

i’m starting to hear it

hear the hitch in your breath before you break my nose

a beautiful melody!

make the grunts and groans as you green yellow purple black and blue my bones

do i hear a flute?

taste the rusted disgust drying your tongue when it tightens onto your teeth

is this Mozart? or Beethoven?

look at my flesh it used to be fresh

i know!

don’t worry about it!

i’m happy this helped!

Aint nobody praying